Hey you. Comic book author
and/or wannabe — excuse me,
I meant aspiring comic book publisher. Get over here.
Ever wonder what it would be like to have your comic books printed by a ninja? No? The thought never crossed your mind? ...Really? Just us? Huh...Okay, well, don’t worry about it, because it crossed ours, and we’re thrilled to report that it’s everything you didn’t bother to imagine before we prompted you to imagine it. Meaning incredible, okay? Welcome to the dojo of the PrintNinja — your destination for a swift and well-placed (I’m going to guess somewhere in the spinal column) karate chop to all your comic book printing needs.
The stuffy old samurai of other comic book printing sites are practically begging for a stealthy shinobi backhand, and we’re here to train you in the martial arts of sticking it to ‘em. Our prices for printing comic books of almost obnoxiously great quality are, to quote our feared and revered comic book zazen instructor himself, the Master of All Things Printworthy, “wicked low.”
Faithfully adhering to the dictates of this ancient guiding mantra lets us offer all you wannabe — weird, I did it again, sorry — aspiring comic book creators so many great looking copies of your comic, you’ll be tossing them out at conventions like hira-shuriken at a shogunate ice cream social or something.
And if you’re even slightly doubtful of just how serious we are about comic book printing, as well as our dedication to this extended-metaphor-thing we’ve got going on, we cordially invite you slip off your geta, step up to our kamidana and get ready for one whiplash firestorm no-nonsense roundhouse kick of comic book printing knowledge. To the face. Obviously.
PrintNinja Comic Book Teaching Number One? As it is true that the Dao that can be spoken is not the eternal Dao, so it is that the Comic Book that does not exist is not a readable Comic Book.
In other, less mind-warpingly esoteric words — if you want your comic book to get noticed, you’re going to need a substantial stockpile of those puppies to sell and distribute as you see fit. And we’re not talking about some wimpy photocopied-and-Scotch-taped job here — we’re talking jaw-droppingly, heart-wrenchingly, soul-searingly rapture-inducingly gorgeous full color comic books, a proudly gleaming, immaculate saddle-stitched or perfect bound infantry division of thousands upon thousands (seriously) of comic books printed to your dream specifications and ready to do your bidding as Supreme Illustrious Emperor and Eternal Ruler of Destiny and Ummm Comic Books. Of course, if you look at most other websites that offer comic book printing services, this image will probably strike you as the absolute definition of Too Good to Be True.
I mean, raise your hand if you’re an independent comic book author or publisher who can afford to drop first-edition-of-a-seminal-Marvel-series-type cash on each individual comic you’re looking to print? Now put it down, that’s weird, I was asking a highly hyperbolic rhetorical question on the Internet, alright? People are going to think you’re creepy or at least have a really terrible twitch. It’s even creepier if no one else is around, if you’re wondering.
Anyhow, the point is, we’ve done our homework on comic book printing, we know how much our competitors cost — and we know that you’re not harboring any delusions of being the next Stan Lee (or fine, R. Crumb if that’s more your thing) with like, a hundred-some-odd comic book copies, no matter how nice they look.
This is where PrintNinja’s utter comic book printing Value Smackdown comes sauntering onto the scene all suave and brazenly confident. And he — the Value Smackdown, he’s a person, or a like, shape-shifting amorphous mascot or something — he’s all like, “Oh, so you want to know how we did it?” as he’s making a big display of idly filing his nails or doing some comparable too-cool-for-school casual idle thing. And then he’s all like, “Well I’ll tell you how we did it.”